Bipolar Express
by pikachugirl2
Summary: Parody of the movie. Steven has always been bipolar, and one Christmas Eve, he boards a train bound for the North Pole that will take him to get rid of his bipolar condition forever...this will be very awkward. My holiday tribute, a humerous oneshot.


At first I thought I was going insane. I mean, all the medications I was on had side effects. But no, I heard it again. The whistle of a train. It sounded really close, as if it were right outside my house. I took a second to try and prove myself wrong so I could go back to sleep. I sprang out of my bed and pulled back the window's curtains. I rubbed my eyes; this was crazy.

I had to be seeing things. There, right outside the window, was a train. A man had stepped down from the steps leading up to one of the doors. I thought I was dreaming at first as he checked his watch and tapped his foot impatiently in the snow. Without really thinking, I threw on my jacket and a pair of slippers and opened my window, climbing out of it carefully and silently, and not forgetting to close it when I had successfully made my escape. Then a sudden voice made me turn around.

"Well, Steven, are you coming?"

Hang on a second. How the heck did this guy know my name?

"H-how'd you know my name, sir?"

The man laughed. "I know everything about you, boy."

The voice had come from the man who had stepped off the train…I rushed over to the train, stopping right next to it. I extended my hand to touch it, and I felt really crazy when my hand touched solid, cold steel. _I've got to be either dreaming or going insane, _I thought to myself. The man turned to get back on the train, but I stopped him.

"Wait a second, what the heck is this train? Where are you going with it, and WHY did you stop outside my house?"

The man sighed. "To put it bluntly, kid, this is the Bipolar Express."

I tilted my head. "Is this some sort of sick joke?"

"No, sonny. The Bipolar Express comes around once a year on Christmas Eve, and we take children with "issues" to the North Pole to have their problems solved." I couldn't help but roll my eyes as he put air quotations around the word 'issues'.

"Wait. So how'd you know I have one of those so-called issues?"

"Kid, I've known you were bipolar ever since you stepped out of that house. Even the look in your eyes screamed "Bipolar". You were on my list for tonight, anyway…"

"So let me get this straight. You're really gonna expect me to come with some random stranger in the middle of the night to the North Pole on a train designed for people with serious issues?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Well in that case, count me in. I can't sleep anyway."

"Wow, a bipolar insomniac. You don't see one of those every day."

"Whatever. Just let me on."

He stepped off to the side to let me on to the train. I stepped on as he shut the door behind him and the train whistle blew. Then he led me into a room with many children talking and running around, some of them even laughing. Before he left, he turned around one more time.

"Kid, if you need anything else, just let me know."

With those last few words, he shut the door, leaving me to all the kids with issues. Half of them appeared to be younger than me, and the other half appeared to be either the same age as me or older. Most of the little kids looked like they had ADD or something. There was a boy who was sitting and nervously adjusting the buttons on his coat. Had to be anxiety. One girl was sitting by herself in the corner, staring at her wrists longingly and sadly. Yeah, as if that one wasn't easy to figure out…

One of the kids ran over and patted my back roughly, practically beating me to death. He had on glasses and a yellow, long-sleeved shirt, with sweatpants to match.

"HEY! New kid, huh? Glad to see you've taken your place on the Bipolar Express! Don't worry, you'll be cured in no time at all!"

I shoved him away from me, and I could already feel the bipolar mood swings coming on. "What's your problem? Don't you have a medication to take or something, buddy?"

"Alright, sorry! Geez, no need to get aggressive!"

I clenched my hand into a fist. "You're asking for it, you crazy idiot!"

The boy raised his fists into a boxing stance. "You wanna rumble, kid, let's rumble then!"

The girl in the corner looked up and shouted. "Both of you, knock it off, or the conductor will have our heads!" Everyone fell silent, and the boy dropped his fists. I don't get what the big deal was, all the girl did was talk. But anyway, I had bigger problems on my hands. As I watched the kids resume their screaming, I started to think about how much I was beginning to regret getting on this train.


End file.
